Acquired Taste
by Mandeth
Summary: Accidentally finding a homosexual erotica novel, Riku Yamada finds himself unexpectedly aroused. When his sister Kairi says she’s friends with the author, Riku is forced to meet him. But what kind of trouble will that lead to? LeonRiku
1. Expect the Unexpected

Disclaimer: Kingdom Hearts is not owned by me nor is any song that I use in this fan fiction. Thank you.

**Author's Note:** Another new story. Actually, I have been reading some yaoi manga and came across one about a novelist and a fan. Hehehehe. It gave me inspiration to write a new piece. I'm so excited and I hope you enjoy it as much as I will.

Don't forget to review!

Warnings: Mild language, impure thoughts, sexual situations.

Summary: Accidentally finding a homosexual erotica novel, Riku Yamada finds himself unexpectedly aroused. When his sister Kairi says she's friends with the author, Riku is forced to meet him. But what kind of trouble will that lead to?

P.S. - Hehehehe. I'm giggling every word I type. God, I'm going to enjoy this fan fiction. Expect many humorous scenes.

WILL BE YAOI IN FUTURE! TURN BACK NOW IF YOU DON'T LIKE BOY/BOY LOVE! THANK YOU!

Now on to the chapter! Don't forget to REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW!

(Note: This was not beta-ed. Sorry if there are major mistakes.)

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Acquired Taste: Chapter One 'Expect the Unexpected'

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Eyes…so many eyes just staring at him with blank expressions. Sure, they were smiling…but just because he was so damn sexy gave them no right to yearn for his lustful body.

Yeah, you damn dolls! Just because you're his damn sister's doesn't mean you're innocent! Ha! He had them all figured out.

Speaking of that she-devil, where was she?

"RI-KU!" The sound of said she-devil's voice caused Riku to jump from his sister's bed, where he unceremoniously landed on his face with a loud thud. Painful throbbing reverberated in his ears by the time Kairi entered the room, giggling.

"What are you doing on my floor, silly?"

And this was how weekly trips to his sister's house usually worked. Riku was always in some embarrassing situation while his sister laughed it off from the side. It just wasn't fair…

"Shut up Kairi…" A muffled reply, but the girl heard it nonetheless and trying to keep one shred of pride left within him, the silver-haired boy sluggishly raised himself from the floor. A small sigh escaped his lips.

When his green eyes centered on his sister, the redhead simply grinned and skipped over to her brother, patting him on the head playful. "Is my Ri-Ri okay?" Giggle. "I don't want you to hurt that beautiful face of yours!"

Her older brother growled as he crossed his arms. "Stop making fun of me…"

She knew that he treasured his looks more than anything else. He had to be the biggest Narcissist in the world, but that wasn't important at the moment. Being that she was the little sister, she had the right to torture her brother thoroughly. And she couldn't just give up now that she was getting into it!

"So Ku-Poo…" Twitch. God he hated that nickname. "How's Sora-kins?"

The older boy plopped onto the girl's bed and lazily laid back, cushioning his head with his hands. His eyes seemed to become distant for a moment before finally coming back to reality. "Heh, he's fine."

Kairi bit her lip before gently plopping down next to her brother. "Everything alright with you two?"

Riku shrugged his shoulders and turned onto his side, back facing her. "I don't want to talk about it."

Even though Kairi despised getting those kinds of answers from people, she decided it wasn't the time to pick a fight with her brother, being that it was a touchy subject. Anyways, there would be tons of times to do that later. "Well, I'm hungry! What do you want to eat?"

However depressed he was, Riku eagerly bounced back as the thought of food crossed his mind. "Pizza?" A smirk twitched onto his lips as Kairi let out a disgusted huff. This was going to be pay back. "And make it extra large with everything on it…"

"Gross Ri-Ri…I know you have a weird taste for food, but I think you need to go get your appetite checked!" A soft hand made their way through silver locks and tugged harshly, issuing a sharp yelp from her older brother. "Next time get something I like too, you goof!"

Glaring, Riku rubbed his aching scalp, eyes misty from the pain. "Damn it, be more careful with the hair! I take a lot of time with it every morning, ya know?"

Rising from the bed, Kairi let out a small chuckle as she exited the room. "Whatever, you lazy bum!" And with that said, she closed the door with a soft click.

Ahh…complete silence. Man was that nice for a change…

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

Okay, only three seconds went by and he was officially bored.

Tapping a finger on his chin in thought, the boy slowly glanced over the contents of the room, attempting to find something that he could entertain himself with.

Make up…no he didn't feel like coloring the walls with lipstick today.

Cds…hmmm…nah Kairi only listened to lovey-dovey groups like Utada Hikaru and Yuna. He wasn't into girly music…

Dolls…that were still staring at his gorgeous body…Hehehehe…keep staring ladies…you ain't getting none of this…

Books…hmmm…well…it was worth a shot…

So, sliding off the bed, Riku paced over to the bookshelf, not knowing what to expect in the slightest. However, when he got there…

What. The. Hell.

What is this! When has she gotten so book smart? 'Don't Know Much About History'…'What Life Should Really Mean'…'How To Deal with Narcissist Men'…What the hell is that one about? She couldn't possibly mean me! Geez…stupid girl…

This was getting nowhere…they were all such boring books…

However, despite every other book…there was a whole row in particular that caught his eye.

'To Love Your Student'…'Desire in an Elevator'…what the hell…girly books?

Curious, Riku took another romance novel, 'Taking Pleasure' and flipped to the middle of the book. What he read…was something he never expected his sister to own in her library ever, much less know about it.

Taking Pleasure Page 102

Never before had the other aroused him so. Sure, they had plenty of moments where small touches sedated the other's appetite, but once Squall pinned Cloud against the wall and felt that irregular pulse beating beneath his fingertips, all was literally lost.

"Squall…" A seductive moan. Squall enjoyed making these noises come out of his beloved's tempting lips. "Don't…ahh…"

"Shhhh…" Squall let himself drown in his lust, eyes glazing over as he leaned in to kiss his sweet temptation. "Don't speak. You'll ruin the moment…"

"Nhh…" Grinding against the smaller blonde, Squall captured his male partner's lips into a passionate kiss, leading both into a pool of lustful thoughts, which turned into quite a fanciful picture.

A hand gingerly slithered into Cloud's pants, while the brunet distracted the other with his zealous kisses. There was no turning back now and Cloud seemed more than willing to go each passing second.

"Fuck me Squall…please…" Another loud moan this time. Squall was aroused more than ever.

"Oh I'll fuck you…**all night long**."

The husky tone in the brunet's voice sent Cloud into a fit of shivers. "Ahh…wait…" He gasped as he felt a finger probing his entrance. "Squall…wait-"

The brunet grinned, leaning into his lover's ear. "Are you telling me you want to quit already?" Tugging the other's pants down, the brunet made a point to nibble on his lover's ear. "Don't disappoint me now…"

All of a sudden-

Lowering the book from his gaze, Riku's mouth gaped in astonishment.

What. The. Hell.

He read the last paragraph again before noticing his throat suddenly was dry and the air was so uncomfortably hot.

He read over a few more lines…

Sucking on soft lips, Squall pushed his lover down onto the bed, twisting a nipple just to hear Cloud moan his name. "Squall…"

With his fingers soaked with the sticky substance, the brunet prepared Cloud for what would be-

…before he closed the book with a disgusted huff. Then he opened it back up for one more peek…

"Can I put it in?" The brunet breathed huskily into the other's ear, earning a strained moan.

"Idiot…don't make me say it." Feeling the fingers moving around inside him, Cloud let out a sharp gasp as Squall nipped a nipple, harshly.

"Cloud…say it. Tell only me. Let me be the only one to hear it…"

A reluctant moan later, Cloud was found crumbling under the pleasure. "Put it in…"

God damn it, why couldn't he just put this book down? Was it some kind of black magic? WHAT THE HELL WAS WRONG WITH HIM?

Better yet…what the hell was wrong with this book!

Closing it, Riku stuck out his tongue in disgust before sending the inanimate object a stern glare.

"Wow…and I thought **I** could be perverted! Who the hell wrote this anyway?" Just out of curiosity, the silver-haired boy glanced to the back cover and on the bottom written in big black letters, it read:

****

Written By: Leon Leonhart

Leon? A MALE WROTE THIS! Whoa, talk about your major perverts in the world of today. And people actually buy this stuff?

"Riku! Pizza will be here in twenty minutes and-what are you doing?" Catching his brother going through her stuff, Kairi shot him a stern look before gracefully striding over and plucking the book out of his hands to take a look at what he was reading. She grinned and snickered. "Riku, Riku, Riku…I never knew you liked Erotic Novels."

Riku's eyes widened before waving the matter off. "You don't know what you're talking about…"

Scooting closer to her brother, Kairi made a point to elbow him in the bicep, a knowing glint in her bright blue eyes. "Riku…you liked it, didn't you?"

Being the stubborn male, the older boy crossed his arms and turned away from his sister. "Shut up, that book is for perverts. No wonder why **_you _**have it!" He cracked a grin before facing his sister with an evil gleam in his green pools. "Seriously, a **_gay_** **_erotic novel_**? What is with that?"

Kairi smirked, returning the book to its rightful place. "It's none of your business. You should just admit you like it!" Wagging a finger at him for prying into her personal business, the redhead calmly ruffled Riku's hair and skipped to her bed before her brother grabbed her for a noogie.

Fuming, Riku glared darkly at his sister, but she ignored him as she calmly stared up at the ceiling, watching the fan twirl in a rhythmic motion.

Swish. Twirl. Swish. Twirl. Swish…

"If you like the book so much, I could introduce you to the author." A disgusted huff got her smirking. "Leon can be quite the character, but he's really nice once you break the ice."

Riku reluctantly pulled over his baby sister's computer chair and plopped down, letting out a tired sigh. "Whatever. It's not like I wanna see the guy. He sounds like a pervert."

Kairi smiled, eyes focused on a certain fan blade, one that was chipped on the end, spinning, spinning, spinning. "That's what most people think, but he really is a sweet guy." She sighed, her eyes becoming distant. This made Riku wonder.

"What are you thinking about Kai?" He leaned back into the chair, face turned to the side to look out the window. It was dark now and the summer heat had cooled down. Somehow, everything seemed peaceful here at Destiny Islands. Granted, summer usually was the most busy time of year with all the tourist stumbling around the place, but it was pretty okay.

****

"Riku…I can't help that you don't like my decision." The smaller boy sighed, pinning the said boy with a misty-eyed stare. Riku was getting lost in his eyes again. "I know you never liked Cloud, but-"

"Shut up! I never said that!"

Ah, the memories of this morning. Living with your best friend you just happened to have an unrequited love for was something that most people didn't want to deal with. However, Sora was just as stubborn as he was and there was nothing that was going to get in the way of whatever he wanted, desired.

This new desire being none other than a man five years Sora's senior. Cloud Strife.

****

"I thought you would understand…you're my best friend."

"Sora…I-I need to be alone."

There was too much in life that Riku needed to worry about. He was in his second year of college studying to be a Literature teacher, there was Riku's part time job at a local restaurant that always took up his time, Kairi was finally living alone now that she turned eighteen, so he had to make sure she was fairing well, and Riku, being nineteen, and with no time to spare didn't need the extra stress.

He just didn't need it.

"Ri-Ri…you seem sad. Wanna tell me what happened now?"

"No."

"Come on!" Sitting up, Kairi smirked, crossing her arms to her chest. "It's not like I know you're in love with Sora! The whole world knows, ya know?"

Riku's gaze hardened. Everyone besides Sora…

"But that shouldn't matter Ku-Poo! Honestly, you can find someone just as good!"

Suddenly, an idea struck her like a hammer over the head.

"I can set up a blind date for you!"

Riku's face contorted into an expression of fear. "NO!" When Kairi continued to plead, he vigorously shook his head, as if trying to dispel a bad memory. "Last time you did that, I nearly broke my ribs and my arm from just trying to defend myself! You have perverted friends!"

Kairi looked up in thought, as if she forgot the incident her brother was talking about. "Oh yeah! I forgot to tell you Zell can get pretty rough when he's drunk…" Riku crossed his arms indignantly. "Hey now! I know the perfect guy! He's tall, handsome, and has a deep voice. He's great! Not to mention…he's REALLY rich!" As if that would reel him in, Kairi winked in her brother's direction, but was ultimately disregarded.

Riku wasn't going to consider anyone that his sister would pick out for him. "I think I'll pass." Before she could continue to nag him, he held up his hand, signaling for her to stop. "And don't even think of finding someone for me…I don't need your help."

She shrugged, sighing as her brother rejected yet again. "Okay…I promise not to find you someone."

However, what Riku didn't see was Kairi's fingers crossed behind her back.

Was he in for a surprise.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

The next day Riku was so engrossed in one of his school books that when the telephone begun to ring, he jump, startled, and anxiously set the book down, a look of confusion gracing his features. His eyes glanced over to the clock on the desk. It read: 4:50 p.m.

Goddamn it…everyone knows this is my study time…fucking hell…who could it be?

Riku picked up the phone and sighed, greeting the caller with little enthusiasm. "Who the hell is this?"

The person on the other end huffed cutely before answering. Although Riku knew who it was just by the huff. Sisters…who could live with them?

**"Riku, you meanie!"** There was another huff before his sister's tone of voice abruptly became excited.** "I talked to him!"**

There was another huff before his sister's tone of voice abruptly became excited. 

A silver eyebrow rose. "Talked to who Kai?" Trailing back to his desk, Riku situated himself on his computer chair before lazily opening his book again to lose himself in its contents. Whatever Kairi was excited about…well…let's just say when his sister was excited, something was definitely being planned.

'Children are like little flowers. Only when you fill their little minds with wisdom, do they bloom. They become full of life and knowledge. This…is what a teacher should know.'

Fucking weirdoes…who the hell thinks kids are flowers? More like little devils and-

"Ku-Poo! Are you even listening to me? Are you reading one of your school books and ignoring me again!"

Busted…

Trying to act cool, Riku chuckled, smoothly. "Come on Kai. I always listen to you. You said you talked to someone. I didn't quite catch who though…"

"Hehehehe. That's okay! You'll meet him around 5:45. I scheduled an early dinner for the two of you. Just to show my appreciation for you, my _wonderful_ brother."

Right…appreciation his ass. She was getting him back for calling her a pervert -which she still was there's no mistake- and she just couldn't admit it herself.

Speaking of pervert…I wonder what kind of guy she has for me this time…man…this is going to suck. Hopefully, the guy wont rape me or even worse…rub his face in my hair…

To Riku…both were equally appalling. Who would want snot in their hair anyway?

"5:45? Who says I'm coming?" There was a giggling on the other line. Riku growled. "Come on Kairi, this isn't funny. You don't need to interfere with my love life. People do that enough already…" A depressed sigh escaped before he could control it. Unfortunately, his sister heard everything.**"MY POOR BROTHER! YOU ARE LOVESICK! GOOD! THEN HE'LL DEFINITELY TREAT YOU RIGHT! Hehehehe. I mean, he just suffered from a break up too, ya know? Anyway, I'll pick you up around five, kay?"** Kairi heard her brother's indignant growl, causing her to snigger.** "Don't give me that! I just want to make sure you're going that's all! Anyway, see you then!"**

Out of pure habit, Riku's upper lip began to twitch as he grit his teeth rather roughly. This wasn't happening…couldn't be happening…not happening…

But pinching himself repeatedly wasn't getting him out of this reality.

Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. OUCH!

WHY WASN'T THE PINCHING WORKING!

"Damnation to that woman…bitch…" Okay, don't get the wrong idea of our favorite Narcissist. Kairi had always been the demanding type -probably dominant with her fuck buddy too…eww…- and despite him being the older brother…girls had persuasive ways. Whether they were born with it or not…it was…scary.

Seriously, if your nine year old sister came into the room with a sharp steak knife and threatened to castrate you just because you smashed her favorite doll's face against a sharp edge of the table -which shouldn't have been a big deal, since it **_was_** staring at him with those blank beady eyes…uhh…gross- wouldn't you be a little scared of her too?

Yeah, exactly…and now instead of a steak knife…it was a wooden…splintery spoon.

Oh god, the horror. She even had it dangling above her stove just in case she had to threaten him some more.

Girls were sneaky little bitches…

So even though he didn't want to go on this blind date, Riku had no choice, unless, of course, he wanted to have a one-on-one duel with Mr. Splinter…damnation to that spoon too. DAMNATION!

Gah, he had no time to worry about an old spoon anyway. He had to get ready to meet this mystery guy. Heh, damn it. He was probably some hot guy with REALLY bad habits.

His mind wandered to every blind date Kairi had arranged for him…

His first one was a guy named Ansem. God, was that guy creepy. He was always talking about the darkness as if it were his master and saying Riku understood nothing. 'One who knows nothing can understand nothing'. He shuddered just thinking about that guy. He was really possessive too, always trying to control him -especially when they were having sex…but was that really appropriate?- so that should have clued Riku in that Kairi had a bad taste in men.

No…he had to date two more…

After Asshole Ansem was out of the picture along came blind date number two, Axel. Whoo was that guy one weird pick. After every other sentence he would say, 'Got it memorized?' Which pissed Riku off since he usually forgot about many things and without constant reminder, it would be long gone out of his brain -however whether or not the redheaded dickhead knew that was a different story-so it always pissed him off.

To make matters worse, his libido was bigger than an African Elephant. Okay, okay. Maybe he was exaggerating a little…it was more like…how to put this…small package, but packed with stamina. Heh, he had to give it to himself…that was a pretty good joke. Did he just make a funny?

Anyway, if that wasn't enough, date number three had to be the worst, Zell. Sure, he was cute on the outside and he had a great personality, but once you got him wasted…that was almost the end of the road for poor ol' Riku. There they were, sitting at a nice little bar across from the restaurant Riku worked at when unexpectedly, Zell was beating the crap out of him.

Shudder. He cringed just reminding himself of it.

Well anyway…let's step out of Riku's World for a moment and into reality once again.

Glancing over to the clock once more, the silver-haired male sighed in frustrated. It was already 5:10. Why did he always go off into la-la land when he had important things to do…like prepare himself for someone worse than Zell.

Seriously, Kairi's perverted mind continued to get worse each rejected man Riku tossed out-mostly which was for the better…and for his health- so she took it upon herself to make sure he had a love life that was by her own standards…even though her standards sucked dick.

He rushed up to his room, off to ready himself for another horrific night.

At least, he wouldn't have to deal with Mr. Splinter…

Shudder.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Grinning insanely wide, Kairi let out a triumphant squeal as she danced around the room. "I did it! I did it! I'm the best!" Pelvic thrust and then another. "Whose yo daddy! WHOSE YO DADDY, BIH!" Shaky Shaky of the butt and another pelvic thrust before another idea formulated in her pretty little head.

She wouldn't be able to do this alone. Well, okay. She was more than capable to accomplish her quest to find her big brother his perfect man, but having a best friend help was even better.

"Damn, I am a genius!" Dialing the memorized number, Kairi only had to wait for one ring as the hyperactive voice quickly answered her with a chirpy greeting. **"Hello-Hello! This is Ku-Ku at your service!"**

"Hey Rikku! I was wondering if you wanted to have some fun tonight."

The reply was a definite yes. **"When and where, my darling? You just pick a place!"**

Kairi giggled into the receiver, the blonde's fake accents always amused her. " Ku-Ku! Let me explain to you what the plan is first!"

"Yeah, yeah! Hurry it up Kai. I'm ready for some action! I've been itching to do something _wild_, something _dangerous_, or something random could work too. I mean after you drink ten Frappichinos and listen to Gwen Stefani all night long you get to the point where you have to, well for one thing pee, but then you get the feeling -"

Kairi smiled. Her friend was such a chatterbox and once the redhead enlightened the other girl on the situation, Rikku was more than willing to lend a hand.

"OOO! I know the perfect outfit to wear! I'll meet you at the restaurant at 6:00 so it wont seem so suspicious, alrighty? Hehehehehe. I cant WAIT! I'm totally pumped!"

That's exactly the kind of enthusiasm the redhead needed to successfully complete 'Operation Get-Riku-A-Boyfriend-Quick'. Honestly, she really was oh so smart….

"I'll see you then! Call me before you get there, so I know."

"Okie Dokie, Kai! See ya then!"

Hmmm…the saying, 'Girls just wanna have fun' comes to mind when compared to her devious plans. Hehehehe, Riku wouldn't know what hit him.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

5:30. It was five fucking thirty and she still wasn't there yet.

Smoothing out the front of his black sweater, Riku decided to go with a casual, yet classy touch. A black sweater hugged his lean, but slightly muscular body rather nicely and the yummy leather pants encompassed his hips in a seductive manner. Okay…so maybe Riku wasn't going for 'classy' per se…maybe more of a, how do you say, 'I'm-sexy-but-if-you-touch-me-you're-dead' kind of look.

Maybe that was why his dates always tried to get in his pants…

Heh, that's right. Riku was always such a sexy bastard. Oh yeah, you can even ask his sister's dolls! All they do is stare at him with such intense gazes that the boy just can't help but strut his stuff. Come one, it was Riku Yamada. Sexy was his middle name!

Knock. Knock. Knock.

That had to be Kairi now. That conniving little bitch. Just wait until this was over…he knew all her weaknesses…ALL OF THEM!

Ah, but wasn't that a double-edged sword…she knew all of his too. Damn her…

"Ku-Poo! Let's go before you're late!" Another rapping at the door. "He doesn't like when people are late! He's can get really pissy when it comes to that."

Riku's face fell. _Great…already the guy has a serious flaw._

If you didn't know already, Riku was a lazy bastard…so lazy in fact that he usually was late to everything, except his school courses, of course. He didn't want to screw up his life by failing his college courses. That was **_important_**. School and his job were the two most important things in his life, besides Kairi, his family, and Sora.

Sora…

Nope! No dwelling on the past, it was time to get this night over with as soon as possible!

Being the kind older brother that Riku had always been to his baby sister, he let her stand outside for a few more moments until the sound of her constant knocking and her irritated screams upset the neighbors around him.

I can hear Ms. Old-and-Stinky now…she's probably gonna come out of the house, glare at Kairi until it burns a hole into her pretty little forehead and then she's going to get her cat and sick him on her…

Sweet…do I hear revenge calling?

The knocking only got more frantic with each passing second. "RIKU! THERE'S A SCARY WOMAN STARING AT ME! AND SHE'S GOT A SCARY CAT WITH HER TOO! LET. ME. IN!"

Ah, the joys of being a big brother.

Brushing his hair back and making sure he took his time to look presentable, the silver-haired male finally opened the door and took a step back before his sister practically scampered into the hallway. Her whimpers were music to his ears.

"So you met Ms. Old-and-Stinky, yes?" Kairi picked herself off the floor and crossed her arms to her chest in a HUGE pout. "And Snuffulkins has an even **_worse_** temper than his owner…"

Sticking her tongue out playfully, Kairi grabbed a hold of her brother's arm and attempted to lead him out the door. "Alright, no more time for games! We gotta go."

Riku stood stock-still. He really didn't want to go…

As if he was a two year old ago, he gave Kairi the puppy dog eyes, whining as he pulled away from her. "Do I have to go?"

Kairi's eyes darkened. "Yes. You. Do." With each word accentuated, Riku's brow delicately rose. She huffed in annoyance. "If you don't I'll just make sure to have my ultimate revenge."

Riku scoffed, a visible smirk on his lips. "What in the world do you possibly have that can hurt me?"

He wasn't expecting an insane cackle to erupt from his innocent little sister.

Her wicked grin was devious. "Christmas Eve, two years ago. I still have that picture from when you-"

OH GOD! NO!

Riku covered her mouth before she could utter those horrible words. "No…okay I get it! I get it! Just **_don't_** use it!"

She smiled warmly, perking up within the instant Riku complied to her wishes. "Awww! And I was going to put Ku-Poo's picture on the front page of the newspaper!" Another insane giggle. "Could you see that? In other news Riku Yamada dies from embarrassment after his sister, who works as a journalist-"

"I get it! I get it!" Pushing her towards the door, Riku locked the door behind him as they made their way towards Kairi's black Bug. "Damn, I forgot you have a girly car…"

Kicking a leg up behind her and clasping her hands together in front, she grinned. "I love my itty bitty Bug! Hehehehe! It's so adorable!"

Riku's face fell for the second time that night. "Why must I have a weird ass sister?" Running a hand through his perfect silver locks, he took it upon himself to open the door on his own and cram his tall body into the small car.

He hated cramp places…

Once Kairi was situated, she started the car and turned on the radio. Riku gazed out the window with a bored expression, missing the evil gleam in his sister's eyes.

****

He's a cold-hearted snake

Look into his eyes

Oh oh oh

He's been tellin' lies

He's a lover boy at play

He don't play by the rules

Oh oh oh

Girl don't play the fool--no

OH GOD IT WAS PAULA ABDUL!

"SHUT THIS SHIT OFF!"

Kairi just smiled sweetly. "Christmas Eve picture!"

Riku slouched in his chair, crossing his arms in a pout. "Damn it…"

This was going to be a long ride…

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Arriving at the restaurant in record time, the siblings proceeded to get out of the car, but unexpectedly Riku stayed in his seat for a moment more, formulating a plan to get out of this dinner date.

What do I have that can be used against her? Damn her! I thought I burned all those copies of that picture…hmmm…I know! If I act like an arrogant dickhead then the guy will only want to leave, so then the dinner date will be over and I will never have to put up with another sorry excuse for a date again!

Was he a genius or what?

"Come on, Ku-Poo! You have two minutes and if you don't make it, he'll give you a death glare all night long."

Frowning, Riku stepped out of the chair and shook his head. This guy had to be a stick in the mud if he's so anal about people being there on time. Man, this was going to suck so badly.

The restaurant his sister picked was one of the nicest on the island. Actually, only richer citizens or tourists visited this place just because it was **_that_** expensive. However, from time to time when you decide to eat there, you can meet a celebrity or too -even though they can get pretty pissed off when you interrupt their meal, Riku should know…heh…oh wait…he did that for Kairi…and she STILL couldn't forgive him for not getting the famous blitz ball player's, Tidus, number- so it was a pretty popular place.

The only real way that the siblings could get in was because they knew the owner, Vincent Valentine. Despite that he was pretty much anti-social, once you got to know him he was a pretty cool guy.

Gah! Now he was just stalling…

He sighed. _Let's just get this over with…_

Entering the high-class restaurant, Kairi skipped up to the host and waited as the man looked for her name on a very **_long_** list. Finally after a few moments, the host nodded and proceeded to escort them to their table. "Right this way."

Riku paced behind his sister and the host and as they rounded the corner to the more private area, he could only fathom a guess as to how Kairi got them these great seats in the first place.

Vincent wasn't **_that_** nice…

He was dazing out again and hadn't noticed that both people in front of him had stopped, causing Riku to bump into his sister. She glared at him, while he sent her a sheepish grin.

"Sorry Kai."

She shook her head and continued to talk with someone, but he couldn't see since the host was in the way.

However, after the host left the silver-haired male was met with an eye full.

Long layered brown hair that stopped passed his shoulders, dark gray eyes that seemed to be shrouded with a mysterious gleam. His skin was tan and the black leather he was wearing only made him look sexier.

Damn...the silver-haired boy didn't mind a piece of that for dinner...yummy.

If Riku wasn't drooling now then he was about to in…three…two…one.

"And may I ask why your brother is drooling all over himself?"

Kairi whirled around to face her brother. His eyes were glazed over and a trail of drool was dangling from his chin. She giggled before ruffling his hair. Instantly, he snapped out ofhis daze and slapped her hand away, attempting to fix his perfect hair.

"Damn it."

She sighed. "Anyway, this is my dorky brother Riku."

Leon smirked, leaning back in his chair to study said boy. "Hmmph."

Her smile grew and her eyes, for a second, possessed a scheming gleam, but it was quickly replaced by a joyous one. "And Riku, this is Leon Leonhart. The author I was telling you about!"

Oh great! It was the perverted author!

He cringed at the thought. "You set me up with a pervert?"

Leon frowned then, eyes darkening. The silver-haired boy gulped before being forced to sit down opposite of the other.

"Well, you two behave! And if you're not home by one, Ku-Poo, I'll know what you're doing!" Snickering, Kairi dodged her older brother's hands that were trying to give her a noogie yet again. "Have fun!"

COME BACK, YOU CONNIVING BITCH! _YOU'RE GOING TO BE DEAD MEAT WHEN I GET DONE WITH YOU!_

Turning to face his date, Riku's face fell as he caught Leon staring at him. His lips twisted into a disgusted frown. Sure, he was sexy as hell, but he was still a pervert. "What are you looking at? Are you enthralled with my sexy beauty as well?"

Leon rolled his eyes. "Whatever."

This was going to be a long night…

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Gasp! What does Kairi and Rikku have planned? Will Riku survive his date with a so-called 'perverted author'? Find out in the next chapter of 'Acquired Taste'!

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Hehehehe. Hello everyone. Man, did I have fun with this. I hope everyone laughed as much as I did. I can't wait to write the next chapter. Anyway, a few notes before I dismiss you! Hehehehe!

1. Paula Abdul's Cold-Hearted song is not mine, I give credit to her since it is her song.

2. 'Don't Know Much About History' is an actual book and was written by Kenneth C. Davis. I do not own that.

3. The other books I made up and if they are real than I never knew that. O.o

4. I know Riku in the game isn't as goofy, but I wanted to portray another side of him that they don't show in the game. Everyone has a silly side, right? Exactly.

5. DON'T FORGET TO REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW!


	2. Why Is It Always Me?

Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts or the songs I use in this fan fiction. Thank you.

Author's Note: Yay! Thank you to all who reviewed! XD I was so overjoyed, causing me to go hyper, which in turn caused me to produce another wacky chapter. I'm glad people liked my goofy Riku. I was hoping for that. Well, enjoy the second chapter and don't forget to review.

Warning: Crazy wackiness, dirty talk, strong language, impure thoughts, drugs, and sexual situations.

Enjoy!

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Acquired Taste: Chapter Two 'Why Is It Always Me?'

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Everything was in order and all Kairi had to do was wait for Rikku to get here. The said girl had called only moments before, informing her partner in crime that she would be arriving in a few short minutes. Anticipation gripped Kairi like her Aunt Tifa.

So rough…harsh…and breathtaking, minus the huge boobs thank god. Inappropriate, much?

Nah…

Well anyway, the redhead had decided to hide herself away by going to the front of the restaurant, away from Riku's line of view, and relax in one of their big comfy couches (yes they had couches with little red pillows! Hehehehe! She loved the little pillows!).

Wait. Why was she thinking about couches at a time like this?

Tapping her feet on the newly polished wooden floors, she randomly watched the many couples saunter past her, where they cheerfully or rudely (just depended on their moods) asked for their table. Ahh…the joys of having someone to love…

Belch…what was she saying? She just had to get mushy when she was bored! Brooding over specific topics that would better be left disregarded. She had a mission! She had no time to think about her own love life, but only of her brother's!

He was depressed, heart-broken, in need of someone! And Kairi was more than willing to present him with those things. She was the almighty Kairi Yamada! There was nothing she couldn't do!

She would not be distracted by lovey-dovey thoughts! No siree!

She glanced down at her petite golden wristwatch and let out a tiny sigh. It was a little passed six. Rikku was late.

Leon usually is a slow eater…however, if Riku is going to try to get out of this situation, he's going to be a dickhead, which in turn will piss off Leon. Then he wont want to eat…hmmm…Rikku better hurry up…

Siiiigggghhhh.

Damn, what to do…what to do…eh…bored. Oh! Singing a song always passed the time rather well. Hmmm…what song to sing though…

Before she could honestly think, one popped up in her head like a massive plague.

It's a small world after all! It's a small world after all! It's a small world-AH! NOOOO! DAMN IT! This song would NEVER get unstuck out of her head now!

Unnoticed by the bored girl, a figure dressed in a long brown trench coat, a dark brown cowboy hat, and dark black sunglasses with little sequins along the sides to hide the owner's eyes approached. A quick look to the right, then to the left, before they inched closer and closer towards the dazed redhead.

Inchy. Inchy. Plop.

Abruptly, the cushion dropped another notch, notifying Kairi that someone was sitting with her. She blinked, faced the person, and tilted her head at the curious attire that they were wearing.

When the person only looked ahead, ignoring her completely, she just trained her gaze on her white and pink shoes. It's a small world after all. Eww…was that a smudge of dirt? It's a small world after all! Ah! When would the torture end!

The redhead felt something plop behind her, landing in between the small of her back and the couch cushion, but before she could see what it was, a loud…chirpy voice was heard.

"Ku-Ku to Kairi! Come in!"

Since the voice was so close, she reached her hand behind her and pulled out a small walkie-talkie. She giggled and turned to the person sitting calmly next to her, a walkie-talkie in their own hand.

Rikku never ceased to amaze her…

"I swear you are so weird." Tucking the walkie-talkie in a pocket of her jeans, the redhead pulled the sunglasses from her friend's face to reveal swirling green eyes. Rikku cocked a grin before flashing her friend the peace sign.

"I fooled you didn't I? Hehehehe." The blonde hopped up, doing her own victory dance and getting strange looks directed towards her.

Shaky, Shaky to the left. Shaky, Shaky to the right. And hands up, hands down, and rock from side to side. Pelvic thrust! Whoo! And another one! Whoo! Spin around and touch the ground-

Finally, Kairi had to pull the girl back down into the soft cushions, so she wouldn't attract too much attention. "Rikku! Silly, calm down and save your energy. You have to be on guard when we go sit next to them."

The undercover girl plucked the sunglasses from the other's hand and put them back on. "Gotcha. When are we going in? Oh! Oh! We need code names!"

Shaking her head in disbelief, Kairi shrugged her shoulders in defeat. "Alright. You make something up."

"Okay! Okay! I got one!" Pearly whites flashed from beneath the brown collar of the trench coat and she pointed to herself. "I'll be Ku-Ku-Floopsy Do! And you-" A finger now pointed to the redhead. "You shall be Tie Dye Kai!"

The weird names her friend could come up with. Sometimes…it made Kairi wonder…

"Okay, whatever!" Kairi perked up, realizing they were actually going to do this. Hehehehe! This was just too exciting! Spying on her brother had to be the best thing to do since facials and manicures. It's a small world after all! Damn it, if she didn't get this fucking song out of her head, she was going to go INSANE!

"Let's do this!" Thrusting a fist into the air, Kairi was pumped. "We are going to get those two together even if it kills me!"

Rikku thrust her own fist in the air, mirroring her friend. "Let's do it!"

They stood up together and as the redhead was calmly walking over to the host, Rikku pulled her back and placed something in her hands. "Extra pair of clothes! You can't be looking like that. They know what you're wearing, Tie Dye Kai!"

How could Kairi have overlooked such a major detail? Rikku was definitely coming in handy. "Rikku, I don't know what I would do without you!"

"Hehehehe! Hurry up, I'm excited."

After Kairi changed in the bathroom (which took a matter of five minutes), the blonde handed her partner one more accessory before they headed inside. The smaller girl accepted the extra pair of sunglasses with a small thanks, though she couldn't help but ask:

"What else do you have in that magic coat of yours, Rikku?"

The blonde girl grinned, hunching her shoulders. "It's a secret! Hehehehehe!"

Their plan was underway.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Sighing in utter boredom, Riku laid his head on the table, ignoring the man opposite of him. The boy was expecting…well…anything besides this horrible silence! When his sister said he had to break the ice…he should have brought a crowbar. Damn, Riku could have swore that he was a statue with his stoic ways.

He had tried talking about the weather, the restaurant, how the older man knew his sister, then finally sex (just to piss him off. Heh.), but NOTHING got him to talk. What the hell was that anyway? Did he just not have an extensive vocabulary? Because hearing, 'Whatever', a billion times for an answer was just slightly peeving Riku off.

B-O-R-I-N-G!

"So…" Despite wanting to get this date over, the silver-haired boy continued to try to talk to Leon. Heh, maybe after awhile he would start getting angry at him for pestering so much. "Those gay books…are those from experience?"

Blankly, Leon centered his gaze on Riku and smirked. "Maybe."

Oooh! So he was hiding something. Interesting…and he was **_talking_**! This surely is an accomplishment! CAN HE GET A HALLELUJAH!

"So you're experienced, eh?"

Leon frowned. "Whatever."

Riku was about to BURST! Another conversation down the fucking drain!

"Come on, pervert! Just strike up a conversation for once." Riku sighed dramatically. "Honestly, this date is a bore. Your face bores me, your actions bore me, wait-**_you_** bore me. Why don't you say something besides 'Whatever' after every other sentence." Crossing his arms, Riku stuck out his tongue. "Boring perverts."

Leon rolled his eyes and focused his gaze on his sweating glass of water. "Children just don't understand."

Fuming, Riku brought his palm down on the table, causing the tables around them to send them annoyed glares. He didn't give a shit. "Who are you calling a kid, pervert!"

Leon smirked, eyes gleaming with mischief. "You, kiddo."

ARGH! THAT BASTARD!

"Asshole." The younger male crossed his arms in a pout, sticking his tongue out at the man across from him. Obliviously proving how childish he could sometimes be…

They were unaware of two shady characters walking by their table to sit a few tables down from them.

Riku slammed his head back down on the table, watching his glass of tea sweat. Boring…Leon was an ass and Kairi had to get him stuck with a pervert. Can anything else be worse than this!

If only he knew…if only.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Letting out a sigh of relief, Kairi took her seat opposite of her partner in crime and lowered her sunglasses to take a look at how her brother and Leon were fairing. She could just see Riku with his head down and she only saw the back of Leon's head, but she could guess he was just as bored as her brother.

The date didn't seem to be going very well at all…

Rikku could see this too. "Tie Dye Kai…I think its time for some Ku-Ku-Floopsy Do action!"

Kairi tilted her head, a questioning gleam in her blue eyes. "What do you plan on doing?"

Rikku pulled out a newspaper from her coat and handed it to Kairi, when the redhead opened it there were two small peephole cut into the paper. She smiled, but this still didn't answer her question. However, the blonde began to explain.

"I'll be right back, but keep an eye on them. Hehehehehe. I have an idea that will totally rock!" She lowered her own sunglasses to give her friend a wink, before she went off to do God knows what.

Kairi shrugged her shoulders and spied on her brother through the peepholes. She seriously wondered what Rikku had planned.

However, she would soon be holding in her bubbling giggles once she found out…

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Sneaky. Sneak. Tippedy-toe. Pause. Look to the left. Now to the right. Slide into the break room…

"Hey? What are you doing here?" A oblivious waitress, just Rikku's height, asking oh so bland questions. Why must she sound so sincere?

Hehehehehe. This was going to be fun.

Not too fast…don't make her run away.

…

…

…

NOW POUNCE!

"Ahhh! What are you-hey! Those are mine!"

The plan was still on its way.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

He was going to die. Just fall to the floor in a heap of bones, clothes, and utter boredom and just watch lifelessly as his soul happily skip away from his body. He would die and Kairi would cry…and Leon would still stare at his half empty glass as if it were the most interesting thing in the world.

But that was okay. Riku would die…and he would never have to deal with this boredom again!

CAN HE GET A HALLELUJAH?

Wait…if he fell onto the floor…that would ruin his perfect face, but worse…it would…**_dirty _**his hair…

Oh god! He couldn't die now! He couldn't let his beautiful hair down like that!

There had to be something to do…something…anything!

God…I never really ever talked to you unless I wanted something…I'm still waiting for that special 'My Little Pony' doll, but until then I have another favor to ask you! Oh please Lord, please forgive whatever I have done to deserve this sinfully bad date and let something happen.

Thanks and…ummm…if you could you know…speed it up with my doll it would be most appreciated.

Man. How good did it feel to talk to the boss man once in awhile. Oh yeah…

Riku squeezed his eyes shut, crossed his fingers under the table and waited for something miraculously to happen.

A few seconds rolled by…nothing.

A minute…nothing.

Five minutes…nope nothing. Oh! Maybe if he waited for one more minute, his My Little Pony doll would fly in! Think about it…he did say thanks! That was enough to get something good, right?

After another five minutes…it apparently wasn't…

Yeah, if his little pony wasn't there yet then why would God give him something that was impossible?

"What the hell are you doing? You look like you're constipated." The younger male was very much surprised to hear Leon make such a harsh comment, but nonetheless thought this was a little bit of progress, right?

There really was a God!

The silver-haired boy rolled his eyes and dipped two fingers into his tea, flicking the wetness onto the man opposite of him. "Shut up, pervert. No one asked you."

The gruff brunet shot Riku a cold glare, not too appreciative of the brown liquid dangling off the tip of his nose. "Whatever."

DAMN IT! THIS WAS SO USELESS!

"Gah! Where's the fucking waitress?" Pouting and crestfallen for not getting anything he asked for (he wanted his goddamn pony for crying out loud), Riku picked up his shimmering spoon and checked his reflection, trying to occupy himself from this boring dinner date.

Oh yeah. He looked **_so_** good. Uh huh. Check him out. Pearly whites, gorgeous eyes, oh! Don't forget the perfect hair. Fuck yes! This was the life. Being so beautiful had to be his sin…maybe that's why God wasn't listening to him in the first place and-

"Lalalalala!" Interrupting his train of thought, the waitress finally appeared, although she wore suspicious looking sunglasses. But Riku was just thankful this dinner date was moving along. Seriously, did anyone have a gun? No wait…that would just ruin his hair. Damn it! Was there no way to kill himself without flawing his beauty?

Guess not…

"G'day mates! I'm Gen 'n' I'll be glad to take your order!" Placing two menus in front of the two unsuspecting people, the waitress cracked a grin and made sure her Australian accent was just perfect. Although, the two before her had no clue what was going on.

Oh yeah! She was so good! She could so be a spy and totally make a killing off of it. How much could she really make? Ha! She would be a millionaire before she turned twenty three! Sweet! Yeah and her current code name could so be her spy name, but wait…wouldn't that be weird? Nah, but if the spy job didn't work she could always be a ice cream vendor! Oh yeah! And then she could put little clothes on the ice cream cones so they looked adorable enough to eat. OOOH! That was soooo a cute idea and-

"Finally!" Throwing his arms up to emphasize his point, Riku scanned through the menu quickly and threw out his order to the distracted girl. "And hurry up with the soup, I want to get this over with as soon as possible."

Leon grunted, nodding his head in agreement. "I'll have the same as him and if you could, bring out a cup of black coffee."

The waitress snapped out of her daze long enough to write down the order and take the menus from the two. "Sure, would that be all?"

The two nodded and the waitress skipped off joyfully, earning stares from other tables in the restaurant.

In the background, Riku could just hear someone insanely giggling, but when he searched for the culprit, he found…

Nothing. Everyone was calmly eating their food and one was even reading the newspaper. Man, everyone seemed to be having a nice time…besides himself of course.

"Hey perv. Will you just say something?" Running a hand through his silken locks, Riku let out a pleading little noise, causing Leon's brow to raise just a tad. "Seriously, you have got to be the **_worst _**date I have ever been on."

****

Grunting, Leon rolled his eyes. "I don't talk to insulting people, much less some **_kid _**who thinks he's the shit."

****

Blink. Blink.

****

Well…that wasn't what he was expecting.

****

"Hey! You barely know me, stupid pervert." Crossing his arms in a pout, Riku made a mental note to remain silent for the rest of the date. Stupid old pervert…what a bastard.

****

Two seconds later, the waitress appeared with their soups. She grinned, carefully sliding the silver-haired male's in front of him with a meticulous gleam in her eyes, though they were fortunately shaded with the stylish sunglasses. She giggled. " Enjoy 'n' if you need anything else, just ask for me!" With that said and done, she skipped off to another table.

Riku shook his head. That girl was really weird…

With a little yawn, he lifted up a packet of crackers and turned them over to see a white note taped on. He ripped it off and stole a glance towards Leon, who was ignoring him and concentrating on his soup.

He unfolded the paper and read its contents:

'Hehehehehe! Don't forget to use this! You'll need it when this date is over! Thank me later! Oh! Oh! And you'll like it. It's strawberry flavored! Enjoy!'

Riku scanned the note once more before blinking in confusion. What was this about? Whatever. It probably wasn't a big deal anyway.

But just as he lifted his spoon from inside the bowl of soup, he was entirely surprised at the present someone left him.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!"

It was a condom! A FUCKING CONDOM!

"Where the hell is that waitress?" Fuming, the silver-haired male threw the spoon away from him as if it were diseased and pushed the bowl away from him roughly, causing the soup to spill onto the table.

Hearing a very irritated grunt, Riku slowly looked up to find the condom that was stuck to the spoon now…

…on Leon's forehead.

And it didn't look like it was coming off anytime soon.

If looks could kill, Riku already knew that he would be dead. Man, the pervert could send one hell of a glare. It gave him shivers just thinking about it.

"Heh, oops?" Grinning sheepishly, he tried to appear as innocent as he could, which was hard since he never really was the innocent type. "Did I do that?"

Before Riku knew it, Leon threw the condom back at him, missed, and they both watched as it hit a waiter head on, landing on his eye. The surprised waiter jumped back, clearly startled, which in turn caused the tray of food to land into a poor old woman who let out a piercing scream.

Leon and Riku ducked their heads, pretending like nothing was happening.

Oh my god…how fucking embarrassing…

"We should leave." Leon said, it was not a question. Nonetheless, Riku was relieved.

"I agree. Let's go."

Both snuck out before anyone could ask them any questions.

In the background Rikku and Kairi were laughing so hard, they thought their insides were going to explode. Rikku was out of the waitress outfit and into her original getup again. She leaned back into her chair with a container of cashews that she mysteriously pulled out of her magical coat and watched the old lady being ushered out of the restaurant. Sad that she had to be a part of it, but it was going to work out in the end. Leon had to drive Riku home, which would get them together in an enclosed…area…

Hehehehe. She couldn't forget the special 'medicine' she slipped into Leon's drink either.

Everything was going to work out just fine.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

He was driving like a fucking speed demon, even going through the occasional red lights. It was as if it were a race to see how fast he could get Riku home.

Estimating by the speed…hmmm…maybe…ten minutes. Something close to that.

Yep, but Riku got comfortable in this silence since he was basking in the relief that he was almost home, almost away from this pervert, who he would never see again. These thoughts were the happiest ones since Kairi had gotten him his first hair care kit.

And what a wonderful kit it was…it really helped him when those damn bad hair days occurred. Man, did he hate those. Yeah and-

Abruptly, the car swerved off the road and into a patch of grass, causing Riku to bang his head on the side of the window (since he was watching the lights and cars they passed). Groaning, the younger male rubbed his head and sent a cold glare towards the driver, who looked flustered.

"What the hell do you think you're doing! Do you want to get us killed?" Despite Riku emitting his anger on the brunet, Leon kept silent, which confused Riku. Was the man alright?

And when the boy asked him that exact question all he got was a heated groan. Riku unbuckled his seat and moved closer to the man to see what was wrong. "Hey, pervert! What's wrong? Are you dying?" He poked Leon, trying to get an answer from him, but that only issued a uncontrollable moan. "Oh shit. You **_are_** dying."

Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. Riku had no clue what to do. He wasn't trained to cure dying people! Those were the doctor's jobs! Okay, so where was he going to find a doctor? Sure as hell not in this car. Fuck. Damn. Shit. What was he going to do? He didn't like the pervert all that much, but that didn't mean he wanted him to die or anything! Gah! What was he going to do? He felt like throwing up. Riku was never good in any upsetting situations.

Once, Riku was so upset with his ex-date Ansem that while they were engaging in the naughty naughty, he punched the older man in the balls and ran out of the room crying hysterically. It wasn't Riku's fault. Really it wasn't. If Ansem didn't keep calling the darkness every time he came, it would have been a lot more erotic, but NOOOO. He couldn't call Riku's name, nope. He had to call the darkness…hence why the silver-haired boy wasn't with him anymore.

Then there was one time when Axel totally missed his entrance and-

Gah! This wasn't the time to think about bad sex! Leon was dying and Riku still had no clue on what to do!

"Leon, where does it hurt? Oh god! Where you allergic to the condom on your forehead! Fucking hell! What can I do for you, anything?" Riku listened for any sign that Leon was talking, but only incoherent noises came out.

He leaned closer…and closer.

Suddenly, a strong hand grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and before Riku knew it, his lips were crushed into the 'dying' brunet's. When he tried pulling away, Leon tightened his grip on the squirming boy and hissed once Riku finally jerked away.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TRYING TO DO, YOU PERVERT!" Whacking Leon lightly on the bicep, he attempted to slither out of Leon's iron grip, but was unsuccessful. "Let go, perv!"

All he got was a throaty reply. "Stop…moving…ahhhh!" The brunet could just feel the kid's hand on his chest. The cloud of lust that filled his brain and sent a burning desire down to his lower regions was tearing him apart. Someone had drugged his cup of coffee. That waitress must have put in something. Ahhh…why did Riku have to keep moving? Did he not see how sexually frustrated he was?

However, the kid either didn't hear Leon or just ignored him. The brunet couldn't decide, but the only thing he knew was that the kid's lips felt **_really_** good and if he could convince him to go just a bit lower. Uhh…god it hurt. The painful pleasure.

"Pervert! Come on, don't die on me now! This is no fair! Kairi is going to castrate me and it'll be **_your_** fault!" Riku growled and shook the brunet driver, eliciting shivers and moans to escape the other's lips. "Come on! I don't want to face Mr. Splinter anytime soon! Stop dying!"

Groaning, Leon weakly grabbed Riku and pulled him down once again, locking their lips in a passionate kiss. This time, Riku's feelings for the pervert were swept under the rug and replacing them were something very close to lust. Whatever was happening with this guy…Riku could deal with for just a bit longer.

Wait! What was he saying? Was the disease that Leon had spreading to himself! NO! He couldn't die just yet! God still owned him his fucking pony, damn it! HE WOULD NOT DIE! NOT WITHOUT A FIGHT!

Riku pulled away for the second time, somewhat reluctant, and felt a small blush scribble onto his cheeks, though he rubbed his face to assuage the lustful feelings he was having. "Stop doing that. I don't want your disease, you perv." He then centered his gaze onto the steering wheel. "Hmmm…is there any way that you can get up?"

When Leon weakly tried to lift his body up, his skin brushed against the other's gently, only adding to the lust and ultimately he plopped back down, unable to move.

"Okay then." Riku shook his head in disbelief and sighed. "I guess there's no other choice…"

Riku was going to have to drive…sitting on top of Leon.

Fucking bad idea? Oh yes, Riku already knew, but what else could be done? The pervert was immobile and he was dying…seemingly. So there was no other way but for Riku to play the hero! He would be this pervert's knight and shining armor!

Wow…it felt kind of good to do something for someone else…

Ha, but not that much.

"Well…let's get this over with."

Just as he positioned himself to sit in between Leon's legs, Riku felt himself blush at the…unexpected…uh…**_thing _**poking his butt. Sure, it was uncomfortable. Actually, it was REALLY uncomfortable, but deciding to be a knight…one must sacrifice comfort for a dying pervert.

What was the world coming to? More importantly…why was he feeling aroused!

The younger male finally decided…

…that God just didn't like him.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Already finished with dinner and currently at Kairi's house, the two girls giggled insanely as they recalled the events from the very eventful evening. They were still cracking up at how embarrassed the two boys were when the condom landed on the waiter. Who knew Rikku's plans would actually work so damn well?

It was a miracle that the girl had hidden intelligence stashed up in that mysterious brain of hers. She always appeared so air headed, but Kairi knew better. It was Rikku after all and the girl loved to rub surprises into people's faces.

"Yep! Yep! Hehehehehe! I think I'll create a spy school where I shall become the principal! Oh yeah! Can you see that? Principal Ku-Ku, at your service!" She was bouncing on the couch from so much excitement, causing Kairi to unintentionally bounce up and down with her. "You can be my co-principal! Yeeeah! Or! Or! You can plan secret missions, since you are so good at planning! Hehehehe! Wow, I still can't get over how freaked out Riku was by the condom!" She giggled into her hand, bouncing so hard and uncontrollable that she fell off the couch and landed on her face. "Ouchie…"

Kairi only shook her head and smiled. "I'm still stuck on how you drugged Leon. When he finds out that you drugged it, you'll be dead."

Rikku rolled over, laying flat on her back while her legs were still on the couch. "**_If_** he finds out."

The redhead thought about it for a moment and nodded, completely agreeing with her. "If. If is good."

Rikku sighed, letting out only a pinch of hyperness as she watched the fan twirl above her. "You think they are having hot animalistic sex right about now?"

Kairi grinned slyly, hunching her shoulders. "One would only know. Seriously, we'll find out soon enough."

The blonde propped herself onto her right elbow, tilting her head in confusion. "How?"

Kairi let out a wicked chuckle. "Riku keeps this little diary and he's had it since he was like…ten. He used to write about Sora all the time in it, but now he only writes in it about his sexual experiences! Oh my god! It's so hilarious!"

Rikku perked up, eyes gleaming with mischief. " Do you have this…how do you say…'yummy diary that many a fan girl would love to read'?" She knew by the look in the redhead's eyes that she indeed possessed it. "May we read a few pages?"

Nodding, the redhead lifted herself off the couch and signaled with a wave of her hand for Rikku to follow. "I made a copy of it a few months ago just so I can have it for blackmail because you never know." Insane giggle. "It could come in handy."

She flipped the light switch on and made her way towards a secret compartment on her desk, where she kept the copy book. With a small 'ah-ha!', she pulled it out and handed it to Rikku.

The girl squealed and pounced on Kairi's messy bed, flipping through the contents until she stopped on something that very much interested her.

Sexual Experience #25 An Embarrassment with Axel

Dear Diary,

Okay, I forgave Axel when he missed entering me the first time (partly because I had blind folded him), but when it happened a second time…it totally kills the mood.

I mean, I feel really sorry for him. With his small package, its hard for him to get a decent fuck, which is why he picked beautiful me because I could give it all to him. I was just that good. No joke. Ask any man or woman I've ever been with. They all (besides Ansem who always screams 'Darkness' when he comes) have been enthralled in my beautiful and graceful ways. I give them everything they want and make sure they are begging for me. Oh yes. I am so good.

But seriously, he always kills the mood…who misses when they can see right in front of them? I didn't blind fold him this time! I didn't feel kinky! I was horny and he had the fucking right as my date to screw me until I didn't have those damn thoughts anymore, but nooo. He screws everything up. Everyone calls him a Nobody…and I feel sorry for him because that's just what he is because I mean…WHO MISSES ENTERING ME! I am sexy Riku! I missed my own pleasure because of some dumb ass.

That is the last time I do it with him. He either needs to grow some more balls…or learn how to have proper sex…what is he four?

Giggle. Giggle. Giggle.

"Has your brother always been this egotistical?" The blonde asked, getting a small sigh from the other girl who sat close to her.

"Yes…always has been like that. Ever since I first laid eyes on him." She shook her head and smiled. "My mom told me once that when he first held me that he told her how much more beautiful he was than me, but when she told him to take a closer look…" She cracked a grin, eyes distant at the memory. "He said I looked like a shriveled pig. My mother scolded him for months."

Blinking, Rikku wondered if her brother ever said things like that. If he did, he was so getting a kick in the nuts. "Let's read another one!"

Sexual Experience #37 The Sexual Encounter That Wasn't So Sexual

Dear Diary,

You know I have had this…well 'obsession' with Sora for a very long time, but this time. I know this wasn't a sexual experience, but it felt nice to finally hold him, even though it was unintentionally. He almost fell and I grabbed him before he could fall. I swear, I lose myself looking in those indescribable blues of his. I could just kill myself for him, even if it messed my perfect hair up. I would do anything for him, yet he just doesn't seem to get it.

At least, I can keep him by my side with our friendship…even though that's all we have ever had. If only he would return my true feelings. I guess beggars can't be choosers.

It just sucks major balls (ones that Axel doesn't have! Ha! I made a funny!)

Rikku burst out laughing. Oh my god. This kid was so funny.

"I can't believe your brother is so funny!" She grinned, scanning some other pages and closing the book altogether. "When do you think he'll call you and bitch about having a terrible night?"

Kairi smirked. "Who said it was going to be bad? Leon will take care of him…you even helped out in that factor."

Relishing in the fact that she actually did something right, Rikku grinned and continued her bouncing fits on the redhead's bed. "Yep! Yep! And then he'll be **_thanking_** us instead of **_hating_** us! We are geniuses!"

Oh yes…Riku **_would_** be thankful to her. He would be on his hands and KNEES begging for forgiveness of ever calling her a shriveled pig when they were younger! He would regret everything he had ever done to her! Mwuhahaha! She was unstoppable! SHE WAS WOMAN! HEAR HER ROAR!

"Kairi! Kairi! Kairi! Kairi!" Shaking her friend out of her daze, Rikku tilted her head as the redhead's eyes continued to remain distant. Her facial expressions looked confident for the most part, which was slightly creepy. What was going on it that head of hers?

The redhead finally snapped out of it once she felt her brain rattling in her head from the constant shaking. "What? WHAT!"

The blonde girl giggled, poking her friend in the forehead and leaning in closer. "Geez, I swear you were dead!"

Kairi pushed her friend away and stuck her tongue out. "Shut up!" She grabbed a pillow and threw it at Rikku, where it ricocheted off her head and landed on the floor.

Once the redhead saw the gleam in Rikku's eyes turn vengeful, she knew it was going to be war.

Commence pillow fight scene.

If only Riku was having as much fun as the girls…

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The only way Riku would be able to get Leon out of the car and to the front door was to drag him the whole way, but once he had tried to carry him…well…let's just say Leon became quite acquainted with the ground beneath him.

Thud. Moan.

Shit…this wasn't going very well and to top it all off…sitting in between Leon's legs made Riku's butt hurt…more ways than one. There was probably a HUGE rash because that pervert's stupid…uh…**_thing_** was rubbing up against him and…ugh those damn **_noises_** the perv was making! Don't people die quietly? Then why was he being so loud?

Well anyway…Riku had to pick the perv off the ground…even though the weight would kill him later on.

"You fucking ass…why do you have to die on me now, eh?" Getting into a crouching stance, the silver-haired male proceeded to lift Leon's weight over his shoulders so that only the older man's feet would be dragging. Once this was done…well…Riku had to tottered a few times before he could gain enough balance to pace over towards the door.

He took his time, just a few steps every couples of minutes. It wasn't like the pervert was fat…he was just…a dead weight…and this on his perfect back! Gah! He was going to be another Quasimodo. Oh god! NOOO! He didn't want to ring bells and talk to weird gargoyles all of his life! He was too **_beautiful_** for that…too **_wonderful_** for that sort of life. If he was going to actually work in life…hmmm…he would be a prince.

Prince Riku. It had a nice ring to it.

Oh! They were finally at the door. Thank God!

It took another few seconds for Riku to dig in his pockets for his keys, but once he was inside, he made a point to close the door with an outstretched foot. He dragged the 'dying' Leon into the living room where he lazily dropped him on the couch.

The man fell to the floor with a loud thud.

Riku let out a frustrated sigh. "Fucking Hell! What am I supposed to do with you?" Picking him up for the millionth time (so what if he was exaggerating!), he made sure the pervert wouldn't fall off as he sent him on the couch once again. "Man, I really have no clue what to do."

The brunet flinched as he felt fingertips brush his hair from his eyes. His lower region twitched with a new found passion even though it was just a simple touch. _How long is this fucking drug going to last? Doesn't the kid understand anything!_

"You…fucker…" Leon pulled Riku down rough and gave him the evil eye. "Help…me!"

Riku slapped the older's man hand away and stood. "Screw you! You're perfectly fine if you can insult me like that! Die by yourself! I'm going to bed!"

As the younger male walked away, Leon let out a irritated growl before he cringed, closing his eyes to assuage the pain.

Tomorrow…he is going to be fucking dead.

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In the next chapter…

**__**

Rikku: Hello everyone! Ku-Ku here to tell you about the next installment! Don't think our plans for our loveable Narcissist are over yet! Can you say, 'Barging in to a yummy scene'! Oh yes! And what will Leon do once Riku comes to check on him? Be prepared for explicit scenes! And what happens when Sora comes home to find Leon on the couch? More to come in 'Acquired Taste'! See ya then! Hehehehe!

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Ahh, the chapter is finally done. I added the Rikku introducing the next chapter in. If you don't like it, please let me know and I shall change it back. I just thought it was super cute! X3

Some things to clarify for people that don't know:

1. Quasimodo is a character from Hunchback of Notre Dame. Remember the guy that rung the bells and loved the gipsy chick? Yep, that's him.

2. I don't hate Axel at all. I just love to play with his character! Hehehehe. So don't hate me. I promise in my other stories he's so like himself. X3 Making fun of people is what I do best. Yep! Yep!

3. This was not beta-ed any mistakes that I missed, I'm sorry.

4. Now you must review to make me happy. Please!

Yep! Yep! REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! Thank you!


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